He-Mullanimal
www.UpTheDeise.com, The Waterford People's Website!
March 2005
One fine day of spring, Mullanimal and Wellboy were out puckin' the auld
sliotar around in the People's Park. Mullanimal was after having a good auld
fayde of blaas and was zipping around like a bat out of hell catching any ball
Wellboy shot at him. Wellboy had a pretty bad aim so it was no mean feat for him
to be catching them let me tell you, but I digress...
Wellboy shouted, "Catch this wan ye mangy bayste," and hit the ball
with all his might straight into the air and away from Mullanimal. Mullanimal
hopped up like a bar of wet soap out of a Kilkenny man's fist and caught the
ball with ease between his teeth. When he landed, he gave Wellboy a very rude
salute and said, "What do you make of dat ye big hairy bollix!" and
pointed into the sky with his magic hurl as if to celebrate his victory...
Wellboy was about to share some very rude repartee with little pink fellow, when
all of a sudden it was if Mullanimal were struck by lightning...
Suddenly all that could be heard was a repetitious backing track...
do do do dooo doo de do do do dooo doo di do do do dooo doo do dooo...
[listen here: He-Mullanimal.mp3 (164.90 Kb)]
and then Mullanimal began speaking as if he were miming to a Westlife song...
"I am Mullanimal, prince of de Deise, and dis is whinger Wellboy me cabbage headed
friend.
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to us the day I held aloft me magic hurl
and said:
By de Power of de Gael Skull
I have the flour..."
Wellboy became the mighty GoodManBoy and
Mullanimal became He-Mullanimal, the most
powerful craytur in the universe...
Only three others share dis secret, boy. Their friends de Saucyhussy,
Man-at-Himself, and Oscar Indebin. Together they defend Castle Gaelskull na nDeise
from the evil forces of Killinaskullytor...
He-Mullanimal
Wellboy was in shock at his new improved body and said to Mullanimal, "What
de hell just happened, boy!"
Mullanimal said, "I had forgotten about dat, boy. Tings are slowly going
back to the way they used be, boy... we need to get to Gaelskull na Deise right
quick and have a chat with the Saucyhussey..."
The two boys transformed back into their normal selves and drove towards the
west of the county... After a short while they reached the Towers of
Ballysaggartmore...
Wellboy said, "I was here a couple of weeks back boy, why are we stopping
here, eh? I luvs de view an' all but do we have time for all o' dis?"
Mullanimal said, "Shu'p boy. I'n tellin ye now. Dis is de place boy, so
just folly me, and will ye ever just keep yer big gob shut or I'll shut it for
ye!"
"Yer mudder," whispered Wellboy as he followed closely behind.
When they got to the Gates of Grandeur, Mullanimal held aloft the magic hurl
once again and that damned music started playing again.
He-Mullanimal Raises his Magic Hurl at the Gates of Grandeur, The Towers, Co.
Waterford
The two transformed, Mullanimal into He-Mullanimal and Wellboy into
GoodManBoy...
Then He-Mullanimal pointed the hurl at a point beyond the Gates of Grandeur and
low and behold Gaelskull na Deise started appearing, slowly at first, then
suddenly with a blinding flash came into full view. After it materialised, the
gates opened and out walked Saucyhussey... Wellboy's heart nearly exploded, such
a fine girl she was.
Gael Skull Appears
At last she spoke... "Why hello there He-Mullanimal and Goodmanboy, it's
been a while hasn't it..."
"Ah it's been a few years alright," said He-Mullanimal, "give or
take a couple of thousand, girl boy!"
"Why did you let me rot like dat for, it was hell under all dat
rock"
"We had to let you go," said the SaucyHussey, "the council were
too powerful, there was absolutely nothing we could do, I tried to send Man-at-Himself but
he was busy as usual, and Oscar Indebin couldn't move fast enough in that dress,
it was on a Saturday after all..."
Mullanimal accepted her excuse immediately and asked here where the council had
gone to. She told him the story of St. Patrick coming over and teaching about
turning the other cheek... St. Patrick banished snakes and all sorts of nasty things
including all the magic powers the
council had, but he had never taken powers from the captured, forgotten
Mullanimal. She then told him that the council had fled to the four
corners of the country and have been in hiding ever since from the people they
once tormented, their powers reduced
to nothing by Paddy himself... It is said that on Paddy's day, the council
reconvene at an unnamed pub at an unknown location, to discuss their long term
plan, as it has been prophecied that their powers will return once more before
the end of time to wreak havoc on the good people of Ireland once again...
He-Mullanimal vowed to take revenge on each and every one of them:
"I vow to take revenge on each and every wan of dem"
And so it was, Mullanimal had purpose once again...
"Wellboy," he said, "I hope you brought your credit card... We
are going to need it for all de blaas and red lead required for the skull
bustin' ahead, I am goin to give everywan o' dem bollixes their go and i'n
tellin' ye, no holds barred boy, I'n comin for their conkers!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
